The Great Sock Experiment

by Mari Ness

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – April 1

Ok, two things:

Science explains everything.

Except socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – April 1

So I guess we, or me, learned one thing from this:

Socks are out to kill us.

Trust me.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 30

This whole sock thing gave me a kinda miracle – a few more years of life, probably.

Apparently at the price of spending the rest of that life with socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 30

Got the latest round of socks out of the house.

Came back in, and a sock fell on me.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 29

Sure, I’m kinda exposing the garbage guys to them, but just briefly. I’m not tricking them into WEARING the socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 29

Besides, for all I know these socks still have some weird radiation clinging to them. Don’t really want to expose anyone else to that.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 30

And yeah, I’m sure what the local Goodwill REALLY needs is twenty huge garbage bags of single unmatched socks. Single unmatched EVIL socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 30

For those suggesting I recycle the socks, recycle them WHERE? Our recycling only takes aluminum, glass and paper. Not EVIL TRANSDIMENSIONAL SOCKS.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 30

Tempted to open a crowdfunding thing to cover my medical bills from all this, but also in too much pain to set up a crowdfunding thing.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 29

Back on painkillers again after nearly breaking my back lugging more socks out to the garbage can.

Not sure how much more of this I can take.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 28

The socks are appearing faster than I can toss them away.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 28

I’m going to be killed by socks, I know it.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 28

Literally drowning in socks here. Socks in the kitchen. The living room. Both bedrooms. Filling up the bathtub and shower in the bathrooms. Every time I move, more socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 27

I guess socks don’t listen to apologies.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 27

A sock just fell on the keyboard while I was typing the last tweet.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 27

Whatever I did to you, mysterious other sock dryer dimension, I’m SORRY. I’M REALLY REALLY SORRY

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 27

Can’t move too many socks can’t even pack boxes they are full of socks

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 27

THAT’S IT I’M MOVING

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 25

I swear, I went years thinking that socks were harmless.

Today I almost set fire to the kitchen because I started preheating the oven without realizing it had socks in it.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 24

Couldn’t reach the coffee maker. Too many socks.

I NOW KNOW WHAT HELL IS.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 24

Woke up this morning COVERED in socks. Black socks. Blue socks. Red socks. Two mismatched teddy bear socks. Dress socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 23

When socks fall out of the shower head and slam into your nose it’s time to get a new house, right? Asking for a friend.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 23

Double-checked. Dryer still not anywhere here. Probably.

Socks, though.

Socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 23

Socks now appearing all over the house.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 22

That is, I don’t THINK the dryer is here.

(checks)

(is hit by socks)

The dryer PROBABLY isn’t here.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 22

At least the dryer isn’t here.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 21

Found five new socks on my bed this morning.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 21

No. No. No. No. NO.

Life is not great.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 20

Another whole day without a dryer or any socks!

Life is great.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 19

Fuck you, insurance! I wasn’t trying to harm myself. This was for science!

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 19

A sock-free day! Can’t tell you how joyful this is.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 19

Woke up, and couldn’t find a single sock.

Of course, now my toes are cold, but it’s completely worth it.

#SocklessMiracle

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 18

SUCCESS!

Every sock has been removed from the house.

Again.

I think.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 16

Ok. Had a team of movers come in and completely, absolutely, remove the dryer from the house and take it away on a truck.

Now working on removing the socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

And the dryer is now somehow or other back in the garage.

Never science on your own, kids. It leads to stuff like this.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 14

Ah. The joys of falling asleep without a single sock in the house and knowing the evil dryer is out on the curb.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 14

VICTORY!

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 14

And now, so are the socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 14

OK. It took me four hours, and I think I’ve permanently injured my back, but the dryer is out of the house.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 14

You guys. You don’t think that the dryer has learned to walk, right?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 14

I KNOW I left the dryer right by the garage door yesterday.

You don’t forget something like that.

This morning? It was back against the back wall.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

OK. Didn’t get the dryer out to the street, but did at least get it to the garage door.

Tomorrow, it will be gone. I swear.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

Anybody want to help me move this dryer out to the street so the removal guys don’t charge me extra for that?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

Try not to test me on that, porn bots.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

This would all go a lot faster if I didn’t have to spend so much time blocking porn bots. Just saying. Almost as bad as socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

Got the neighbors to help me get the dryer up on a dolly.

So in need of a massage right now. I can’t tell you.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

It’s not just the whole horror-movie feel.

It’s that I’m worried socks are going to emerge from it and eat the planet and then you’ll all blame me.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

Removal guys can’t come until tomorrow. That’s too late.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

Also, it’s all an uncomfortable reminder of my heart surgery.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

And also the socks. I don’t think I ever want to see another sock again in my life.

Sandals or sockless from now on.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

I gotta get that thing out of here.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 13

That blue light is shining in the dryer again.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

OK. I took pictures this time. The dryer definitely moved.

I’m less sure about the socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

I think the dryer moved last night.

And. Speaking of impossible things. I think I have even more socks?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

In related news, there’s no way I bought this many socks, right?

I mean, I know I was a bit sock-obsessed for a bit there. But.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

Also, I swear, it made some sort of noise when it saw me.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

The EMTs must have moved it. It’s now blocking the door between the garage and the house.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

Spoke too soon about that dryer.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 15

Though the first thing I’m going to do, if I’m up for it, is to get rid of all those socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 8

Heading home.

So thankful to be out of here that I’ll even be happy to see that dryer again.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 7

Also, this hospital is seriously noisy. People whispering, things beeping all the time.

Almost enough to make me miss the socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 7

Told to rest up. Can’t. Keep thinking about all those socks. A universe full of socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 7

A few more tests needed, so, staying here another night.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 7

Or was it something else?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 7

Is surgery supposed to cause memory loss?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 7

There were socks. I’m sure of it.

And another universe.

And blue light.

I just

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 6

And now, I can’t remember anything else.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 6

They say you’re not supposed to hear or see anything during surgery.

I saw socks.

And that blue light.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 6

Also?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 6

That’s a disturbing thought.

Let’s credit science instead.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 6

Surgery over. Apparently things were pretty bad.

Which means that socks?

Saved my life.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

Heading in for surgery.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

And have we all forgotten that I have major upcoming heart surgery and am supposed to stay calm?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

Not to mention that thread? Can be made into socks. Which is about the last thing I want to think about right now.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

Look, the other side of a sock-eating vortex isn’t the best place to focus on social media etiquette, OK?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

I nearly get killed going through a dryer vortex that connects to another universe and eats socks and you people are mad I didn’t THREAD THINGS?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

I don’t believe you people.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

Turns out –

The other side of a sock-eating dryer vortex?

Is full of socks.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

I’m not sure how much of what I’m remembering is real, and how much is the drugs.

But.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 5

whee pain pills wee

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 4

Anyway, the last thing means surgery, so I’ll be here for a bit.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 4

Which no, I didn’t know before this.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 4

Still in critical care, but doing better. Head injury – the pillows must have fallen off – bruises, double cracked ulna on left arm, broken ankle and something called aortic valve stenosis.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 4

So for the curious, when you travel to another universe, you end up in the hospital.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 3

ug drugss

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 3

keep seeing that blue light

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 3

banged up an their doing heart tests

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – March 2

socks

92 yraurbeF – 721309xelA@ skocSsetaHxelA

!!!!!!!!!HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUA

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 28

bbbllue

so blllllllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuue

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 28

sick

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 28

Heree gooess!

#TheGreatSockExperiment

03 yraurbeF – 721309xelA@ skocSsetaHxelA

siht od t’nod siht od t’nod

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 28

typppin withh pppillos harder thhaan i loooks

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 28

Well, assuming I can keep these pillows on me...

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 28

But I’m about to try to catch a glimpse of another world.

Tweet you from the other side, doubters!

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 28

Anyway. The world is a trashfire and only getting trashier and firier.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

That’s worth a few head bruises.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

You do realize the potential here? The discovery of an entire alternative universe?

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

Sigh. Yes, everyone, it’s occurred to me that a helmet and pillows might not be enough to prevent head injuries here.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

No, I’m not chickening out.

But science is best done combined with a good night’s sleep.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

Plus I’ll be more rested.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

Just realized that if I wait until tomorrow, I can get more socks, increasing the chance of seeing that blue vortex again.

Also increasing the dryer padding.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

So, should I go ahead and get into the dryer tonight, or wait until tomorrow when I’ve had a good night’s rest?

Decisions, decisions.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 27

Good news! Have figured out how to close the door while I’m inside the dryer. With that, and the app that lets me start the dryer cycle remotely, I’m set!

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

You guys know I’d be a lot further along with this experiment if I didn’t have to waste so much time blocking assholes, right?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

Blocked and blocked and blocked. And blocked.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

@ArwenSkeptomial Nah, tempting as it is to go through a great dryer vortex completely wasted, the beer’s for afterwards. Gotta stay alert for science.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

Bonus: You’ll either get to see me split my skull, or vanish into another dimension! It’s a win-win either way!

Also, yes. I have beer.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

So, anyone want to come over and watch me get into a dryer and follow socks into another dimension?

And, er, shut the dryer door on me?

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

Totally feel the dryer is just judging me now.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

Totally did not realize I would not be able to shut the dryer door from the inside.

Not set to go.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

We’re set to go, folks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

typing is harder too

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

duck tape nt duke tape duct tape duct tape

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

wrapping yourself with pillows and duke tape without help is harder than it sounds

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

I have pillows. I have duct tape. I have wet socks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

So, everyone ready for me to try this?

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 26

400 more socks purchased.

We’re set.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 25

Also, that blue light I mentioned?

Nowhere to be found with the teddy bear.

Flickering with the plant.

THIS MEANS SOMETHING.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 25

Granted, I can’t do this in a plastic container – still have to breathe – but it means with proper protection, I’ll survive.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 25

So, turns out that if I put the plant in a plastic container first, and THEN send it through the dryer, it’s mostly fine.

Mostly.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 24

Slight delay here while I scrub out the dryer.

Can’t have this experiment ruined by dirt.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 24

OK. I don’t think any of us really want me to go into what happened with the plant.

Or, more specifically, what happened to the dryer after I put a plant into it.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 23

The teddy bear survived! Almost completely undamaged! (Fur not quite as soft and plushy. Which is what we have moisturizer for.)

Next up. A plant.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 23

Is anything sadder than the sight of a giant teddy bear covered in socks squished into a washer?

Well, yes. Lots of things. But still, it’s sad.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 23

Teddy bear is almost as big as me.

Putting it into the washer now.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 23

OK. On the advice of absolutely everyone, am going to do a bit more testing before I actually step inside this dryer. First up: a giant teddy bear. #TheGreatSockExperiment

03 yraurbeF – 721309xelA@ skocSsetaHxelA

?stnalp ot cigrella si reyrd eht foe dis rehto eht taht wonk ot desoppus I saw woH

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 22

Investigating where keys vanish to will have to come later.

Plus, most of those eventually show up at some point.

Unlike socks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 22

Yes, I know popcorn is used for packing materials but even with duct tape there’s no way to keep that on me. Pillows it is.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 22

On the other hand, science, right?

Worth the suffering.

And I’ll be taped down with plenty of pillows. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 22

That could be painful.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 22

NEW PROBLEM: new dryer only loses socks in the regular cycle. Not the gentle cycle. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 22

Ten test runs later, and I can confirm: new dryer loses socks AND has those little blue flashes.

The interdimensional portal? IS HERE.

But.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 18

This is better than Star Wars.

OK, objectively nothing is better than Star Wars but this is a close second.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 18

Paused Star Wars to go look at my dryer.

And there, in the back, as it spun?

Blue flashes.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 18

Man, what did scientists do during downtimes before Blu-ray players?

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 18

Zipping back and forth between looking at the dryer and watching Star Wars.

My life is SO AWESOME right now, I can’t tell you. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 18

That was a trick question, everyone.

I CAN DO BOTH!

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 18

Another test run of the socks, or another viewing of Star Wars? Decisions. Decisions.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

Probably best to try another few runs of socks first.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

Didn’t catch that blue whatever thing, though. Hmm.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION WHERE DO SOCKS GO MIGHT BE ANSWERED SOON.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

TWO SOCKS MISSING.

NEW DRYER ALSO HAS AN INTERDIMENSIONAL SOCK THIEVING PORTAL, EVERYONE!

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

The suspense is killing me. Literally KILLING me. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

TESTING NOW!!!! #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

Wash done. Putting socks in the new dryer....NOW. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

Oh, man. So impatient to get these socks out of the washer I can’t tell you. Can’t focus on anything else. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 17

OK, let’s test this thing!

First, the sock washing. And yes, I’m videoing everything. #TheGreatSockExperiment

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – Feburary 16

Bonus! New dryer can be started remotely through a phone app – it’s really cool – so I’ll be able to start it from INSIDE the dryer. Gotta admit I was struggling to figure out that part.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 16

OMG. The manufacturer wasn’t lying. This dryer really is big enough for me and a ton of socks. I can almost stand up in it! And all I need to do is spin around,

I’m really doing this!

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 16

I’m willing to sacrifice a lot here but not my dignity.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 16

Yeah, I probably should have tested that out BEFORE the delivery guys left but I was afraid I would look ridiculous.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 16

And now that everything’s set up, time for the real test: making sure that the dryer is large enough for me AND at least a hundred socks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 16

NEW DRYER HOOKED UP AT LAST. HELLO INTERDIMENSIONAL SCIENCE.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 15

Frankly, I’m more worried about the socks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 15

I’m sure it will all be fine. That or the dryer will also get sucked into an interdimensional vortex. Tra-la-la-la. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 15

Eh. A 50% chance of a major fire means a 50% chance of NOT having a major fire, right?

This is fine. Really. This is fine.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 15

Have installed new and more powerful and grounded outlet for this dryer. There’s a 50% chance that I got it right. And a 50% chance that I could start a major fire.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

@totalteddybearsis42 Yes, but it’s INSPIRING fiction!

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

Look, if that botanist dude on The Martian could rig up a Jeep and some plutonium so he could drive all around Mars, I can rig up a dryer.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

I told them I could rig something up.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

Delivery guys kinda concerned about my home electricity system. Apparently dryers need to go into some sort of specialty grounded outlet or something? #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

As a sidenote to all of this I will never need to worry about the size of my load of laundry ever again. Need to dry three or four king-sized comforters at once? I’m your person.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

Inspecting dryer while delivery guys hunt down the outlets they need to plug it in.

This thing is so huge, it’s magnificent.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

Have to put new dryer in the garage. Hope this doesn’t change the results. Socks still get lost in dryers kept in garages, right?

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

New dryer is here.....and far too large for the door.

#UnplannedScienceProblems #WorstDayEver #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

Delivery truck!

BEST DAY EVER

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

Can’t stop checking my phone for delivery updates. It’s like a sickness at this point. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 13

Dryer arriving today! In theory!

Of course in theory socks can’t just vanish into the thin air created by dryers, so not putting a lot of confidence into this delivery theory.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 8

And ANOTHER DELAY. This time in Atlanta.

Beginning to think that the dryer just wants to see the country and stay in a few hotels before it reaches out to a new universe. #TheGreatSockExperiment

03 yraurbeF – 721309xelA@ skocSsetaHxelA

!skcos fo lluf s’ti dog yM

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 5

Which is already upset about the dryer, LOL. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 5

Sorry for the silence. Wanted to spread up my sock purchases across multiple stores to cut down on the weird looks I’m getting. Though that will probably lead to more questions from my credit card company, LOL. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 2

Well, while I’m waiting for the dryer, might as well go stock up on more socks. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – February 2

How long can one dryer be stuck in Louisville?

ATTN INTERNET TROLLS NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A RESPONSE HERE.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 31

Auugh. Can’t. Stop. Checking. Progress. On. This. Delivery. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 30

Anyway. NEW PLAN. First: test the new dryer with socks. THEN test the new dryer with me. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 30

Well, that was a good way of identifying trolls!

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 29

Please tell me I have not spent all of this money on a huge dryer that doesn’t have an interdimensional connection with socks. Please. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 29

AUUGH! Just realized! What if the new dryer doesn’t have an interdimensional connection and never loses socks?!?!? #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 28

I have a pretty strong stomach, but this will be a real test. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 28

While we’re all waiting for this dryer to arrive, any recommendations for over the counter anti-nausea meds? Or other things? Willing to try whatever – bracelets, ear things, you name it. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 27

Wow, this place is expensive. Think I can deduct theme park costs from my taxes next year? It is all in the name of science, of course. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 27

No reason for not doing both, though. #SpinsAndSpins #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 27

Heading to a theme park to help prep up my stomach for getting flung around in a dryer isn’t a bad idea at all. And more fun than what I was going to try to do, which was just spin around and around in my living room until I fell over.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 26

But at least I might be able to see the socks vanish.

Assuming I’m not spinning too much.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 26

Lots of things don’t vanish from the dryer! Jeans! Shirts! The money you washed in it by mistake!

I might be one of those things.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 26

Of course, we don’t know if I’ll vanish along with the socks. THAT’S THE KEY QUESTION. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 26

It comes up for me!

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 26

The video’s up there, guys! I’ve linked to it about five times so far.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 25

It’s much clearer in person. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 25

You can kinda see it on the video I uploaded, at about the 37-minute mark.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 25

It’s only partly the socks. The other reason I’m doing this? I saw this weird blue flash in the dryer when I was drying the socks. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 25

I just got blocked for making a sockpuppet joke and tbh I’m starting to hate socks and the dryer isn’t even here keeping scientist faith is hard, you guys. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 25

@caitlindoesntwatchgameofthrones Nope, not even odd sock memes or sock bots. I should say sock puppets, ha ha.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 25

@caitlindoesntwatchgameofthrones Huh? I don’t see anything weird on my timeline. Well, apart from the usual weirdness like that duck meme going around.

03 yraurbeF 721309xelA@ skcoSsetaHxelA

em gnitea era skcos ehtaerb t’nac em gnitae era skcos

tnemirepxEkcoStaerGehT#

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 25

Correction to last update: New, massively oversized dryer SHOULD be on its way but is for some reason unknown to all completely stuck in Louisville, KY. Come on, dryer. We have SCIENCE TO DO. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 22

New, massively oversized dryer on its way!

Can’t believe how much I’m spending on this.

But at least I’ll have an amazing new dryer. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 21

Yes, I’m still on some painkillers.

THIS IS STILL GOING TO BE AWESOME

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 21

No reason that you have to be standing up while crossing over to another universe. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 21

But I CAN get an industrial dryer big enough for me to stay in a fetal position with some socks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 21

Socks? Proof of another universe? Answers to your sock questions?

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 21

Tempted to crowdsource this thing, but what on earth could I offer as a reward? #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 21

Turns out buying an industrial sized dryer big enough to stand in and hold some socks is a) a lot harder than you’d think it would be and b) a lot more expensive. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 20

So now for the next major step: finding an industrial dryer! #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 20

I have the socks. I have me. All I need is a dryer big enough for me to get into. One of those industrial sized dryers should do. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 20

This will mostly involve me climbing into an industrial strength dryer with some socks and spinning into the unknown. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 20

Welcome, new followers! In the off chance that you aren’t just bots trying to sell me on kinky stuff and duck tape, I’m here conducting an experiment to see where socks go after they vanish in the dryer.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 19

Well, THAT certainly got me a number of new followers!

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

Taping yourself up with pillows and duct tape is a lot harder than it looks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

Come to think of it, I should try that now just to get a sense of the needed dimensions.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

And that’s before I tried adding any pillows and helmets. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

I tried climbing in mine, and - yeah. I don’t fit. Even with my head tucked way in. the only way I can fit is with my head too tucked in to see anything.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

Anyway, the real problem isn’t getting bumped around, but just getting into the dryer in the first place. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

I don’t even talk about ducks much. Or dukes much. No idea where those came from.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

DUCT tape, not DUCK tape. I’m not trying to dry ducks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

Damn you, autocorrect. DUCK tape, not DUKE tape. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

I’ve got pillows. A helmet. Duke tape. I’m set. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 18

Yes, I’m serious about getting into the dryer to find out for myself. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 17

I already know something weird is going on with dryers and socks. I don’t need an animal to tell me that. I need to find out myself. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 17

Not to mention that I’ve already tested it on something – socks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 17

a) I’m not a monster, and b) I don’t have time to teach a dog how to talk, let alone do social media updates. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 17

Everyone. God, no, I’m not going to test this with an animal first. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

Of course I’ve thought about this! I’ve thought about nothing else for seven days! #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

Yes, I’m on just a few painkillers.

This is still a GREAT IDEA. #TheGreatSockExperiment #DrugsGood

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

Danger isn’t the point. Someone has to find out what’s happening to the socks. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

It’s a lot easier than trying to lift a dryer to weigh it, I’ll tell you that. And probably easier than counting socks all the time. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

Easy. I’m going to buy one of those huge, commercial dryers, and follow the socks inside. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

But, I hear you say, how are you going to follow the vanished socks through the dryer? #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

The only way to find out where the vanished socks go is to follow them there. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

I mean it could be the painkillers.

Or it could be a really awesome idea. #ItsAnAwesmeIdea #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

I think I have an idea. A really awesome idea. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 16

Hmm. #TheGreatSockExperiment

62 hcraM – 721309xelA@ skocSsetaHxelA

pleh em gnillik era skcos eht kniht I pleh

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 13

So. Much. Pain. No one told me science could have So. Much. Pain. May never use my back again. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 12

Not to mention that I’m going to break my back if I keep trying to lift up the dryer to put it on a scale. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 12

Anyway, the vanished socks didn’t weigh all that much so I’m not sure if the scales would register the difference. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 12

In case anyone was wondering, yes, you can break an ordinary household scale if you drop a dryer on it. #ThingsILearnedFromScience #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 12

This dryer is a lot heavier than it looks.

#TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 12

OK, that’s not a bad idea – weighing the dryer before and after I put the socks in it. Only problem: getting a commercial scale that can weigh the dryer in here. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 12

Yes, everyone, I checked the lint thing and the tube behind the dryer and the rest of the laundry and the laundromat to see if I’d just dropped socks. It’s on the YouTube video – well, it would be if I could figure out how to upload it. #TheGreatSockExperiment

03 yraurbeF – 721309xelA@ skocSsetaHxelA

!esuoh eht edisni morf gnimoc era skcos ehT

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Through some weird vortex caused by the spinning of the dryer? If so, why don’t they disappear when the washer spins? No. It’s gotta be a dryer thing. And I’m going to figure out what. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Finally, I have a destiny: I must discover where socks go. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

The question is: where do they go? Where? #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Nobody here can figure out why I’m so excited about the socks. “Of course they’re missing. They were in a dryer.” THAT’S THE POINT! #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Not as many as my home dryer – only two socks missing – but they’re definitely gone. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

FULL NUMBERS COMING SOON BUT EVERYONE – THE LAUNDROMAT DRYER ALSO EATS SOCKS #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

People at this laundromat are so, so, judgy. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Next set of socks entering the wash! #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

First set of socks coming out of the washer now. And here we go! Counting the socks as I put them in the dryer in one by one by one #ScienceCanBeTedious #ButGreat #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

YES EVERYONE I KNOW ABOUT INSTAGRAM NOT INSTAGRAMING THIS THIS IS SCIENCE NOT WHATEVER IT IS YOU PEOPLE DO ON INSTAGRAM #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Or maybe not. I’ve got this sock science down, but YouTube is still beyond me. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

HERE WE GO! First 50 pairs in the washer now. I’ll have the YouTube videos up of me counting and putting the socks in soon. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Anecdotal, not science, but everyone here – everyone – says they’ve lost socks in the dryer here. EVERYONE. I am so excited. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Cannot believe these people are insisting on doing their laundry when we have SCIENCE to do. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Did not realize how many people would already be here, completely unaware that I am in the middle of SCIENCE. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 11

Heading out to the laundromat. THERE WILL BE VIDEO #Exciting #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 10

Incidentally, if you are ever wondering if Target will give you very weird looks if you are trying to buy 200 different pairs of socks at once and you need them to all be different the answer is HELL YES #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 10

OK. At the suggestion of several of you, I’ve bought another 200 pairs of socks to test out at the local laundromat. WE ARE SCIENCING PEOPLE SCIENCING #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 9

@901CurtisCalling That’s a good question. I’ve only tried this on my dryer at home. Maybe other dryers are different.

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 9

If you want proof, I will be uploading all of this exciting video of me counting, washing, drying and counting socks again up on YouTube, as well as a video of the empty dryer, providing SCIENTIFIC PROOF. #TheGreatSockExperiment

AlexHatesSocks @Alex903127 – January 9

Another. Sock. Missing.

#TheGreatSockExperiment